apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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