she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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