So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
