If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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