Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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