matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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