if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You may now shotgun with the bride
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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