He told me they were just razor bumps!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
