pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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