I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I will pee on everything he values.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Randomize
