so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
