This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
