I am in a vortex of obligation.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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