He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
