but the lizard people decide everything anyway
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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