Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
