Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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