You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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