I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
