Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
