I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
