I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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