Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Randomize
