i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
