i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My ass is underappreciated
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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