My hand turned me down
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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