shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
This is the high leading the old right now
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Randomize