I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
