I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
