I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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