At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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