I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
