So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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