I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
