and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
