do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
