I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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