Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
