DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
