After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I need moral support for this bender
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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