In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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