on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
