At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
