i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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