Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
