I accidentally had phone sex last night
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
