is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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