These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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