just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
