I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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