at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he was CRYING into my vagina
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
