So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
