I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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