You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
