I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
