i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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