i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
