I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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