I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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