Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
