I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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