yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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