filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
