I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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