I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
3pm strippers are depressing
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
