you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
