her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just had sex on a roof
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
